thoughtshowerings

-Kicking a habit, particularly, a bad one- Kicking a bad habit, particularly a bad is extremely difficult. Why? 1) It must feel quite good, like generate some sort of instant gratification, small in its way; but because you can get away with it, I suppose you automatically link it with convenience, and how much trouble it will bring you should you correct it. 2) Procrastination, the second biggest contributor to not kicking a bad habit effectively. We always think to ourselves, "oh, never mind, I think I'll see to that tomorrow" or " I wish I had the time today, but I'm just so tired! I've got other things to do, maybe I'll shelve it for tomorrow". You see, that's the problem right there! Tomorrow just doesnt seem to come at all! 3) Its seems like a minor problem at first, like easily rid off, until you realise its magnitude, its deep rootedness. Not correcting it in its early stages, it anchors deep right in your very core. I gu...

Current Status. Holidays, slacking, bumming and meeting friends. I love my current status. Cant it lasts forever? :(  I dread the school re-opening. And all of the colossal crap that will be accompanying it, all come tumbling down. Randomly, I love home cooked food. Pre-requisite for future partner, please please please be able to cook at least some edible food. Maggi Mee and fried eggs not counted. Randomly, I bought The Hunger Games series! Finally, no more waiting for the book at public libraries until they decided to make it into a movie. Now I have my own books. I think buying books are kind of an addiction, like drugs, you just want more, more more more. The more I get, the more high I feel. Now I know how xf feels when she sees books she wants. Randomly, I've started reading Chinese novels again! Hip Horray. And yes, thankfully they are still every bit enjoyable and engaging as I last left them. I give thanks to whatever strange cosmic powers that has retained ...

I'm back from Nepal! Finally, after two weeks of hellish trekking across the entire Everest Region (Khumbu), I return back to Singapore. And throughout this trip, I have grown to realized many things. 1) I know who are most dearest to me. These group of people and few individuals - their faces flit in and out of my mind unknowingly throughout the journey. I am truly thankful for their accompaniment mentally through the journey. The journey definitely has not been easy, it has not been even difficult. Using "difficult" would be undermining the sheer mental and physical demands of this journey. My family has been the Number One supporting mental pillar. Never have I felt a greater need and urgency to reflect and recall upon their faces to help me push through when I really feel like giving up. All those seismic-proportion sized headaches, the indescribable fatigue, general pain, periods of wild vomiting and violent diarrhoea, they, my family came through strong and cl...

Another phase in life. We are officially 3 weeks left to end of year 1. Goodness how long I have waited for this time to come. Its like as though life decided to concentrate itself with a span of 8 months or so, a short burst of vibrant, a quick fire round of ecstasy and emotions. Hmmmm, certainly many things have happened, to me or to others as I watch each mini drama unfold and each story unfurl itself, sometimes with me being the main lead, others as me being the spectator. Well, I learnt many things about myself, discovered new things and developed new insights on the things I have. For one, I definitely have discovered much more properties of time and what wonders it does and its effects on people. Some good, some bad, oh well, I guess its part and parcel of life. I must say that this semester, my tendency to want to kill people in my head has been slightly higher than before. I would picture their slow death and various means to torture them, in my head of course, keepi...

Of insecurities and jealousy all embroiled in one ugly mess sometimes, i really feel strongly indignant at what others have: fast cars, good looks, great body, good brains, blindingly luminous future/career outlooks, relationships, never-seem-to-end cash at hand. But then i go to sleep, and they dont bother me again.  until i feel insecure again. i guess insecurities and feelings of indignant-ness/envy never really go away.  Save me the nonsense of "be happy with what you have" or "be practical, stop having lofty thoughts". That cannot really be possible can it? I'm highly irrational. So many insatiable wants and insecurities manifesting itself in different mutated forms plaguing my mind.  Then again I guess the trick here is to not constantly harp upon these comparisons all the time. Still, I feel that it is good to flesh out these thoughts that are sometimes making me feel very 心里不平衡。At least I am actively identifying and recognising at what makes me ...

Sometimes, it really befuddles me. How someone carries two vastly different personality at one time. I'm really uncertain which  alter ego is going to come out, 'cos I got to have different rules for dealing with a different one. Use the wrong one, and I might potentially make myself very unhappy. I have a different set of expectations for different personalities you have. Sometimes I really wonder if you take all your surroundings for granted. Words are though intangible and ephemeral and only lasts as long as it sounds, make such deep impacts. I wished I could learn how to ignore them, or "unhear" those words. But being quite a sensitive person to words, I dont think I can do that. I think most people are. I see words as having a physical form, performing their exact social action as it was uttered and meant. So, please, choose your words wisely... If not, you might find that people may just start to slowly shy away from your side

Listen. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in trying to say what we have on our minds that we neglect to listen to what others think and want to say, don't we? We all think that what we want to say is very important, isn't it? We think that our views are the pivot point of the conversation, we think that our utterances makes most sense, our speech the one carries most weight. So I guess it usually ends up with no one really listening to each other, self absorbed, as thoughts races pass our other fragments of memories in our heads. We don't really calculate when the best timing for our thoughts to materialize into actual verbal forms. So how do we really catch anything that truly makes a difference? I guess that's why we frequently talk and forget hence after the contents. So sometimes I think I need to learn how to listen more, in earnest, not just for listening's sake. Learn to empathize with the speaker more and I think I just be able to forge somet...