thoughtshowerings

I think I am anti-social to some degree. Sometimes I am extremely anti-social, preferring to spend time holed up in my room, enjoying the solitude, soaking in the quietness. Sometimes I just want to stay out the whole day, not wanting to return home. Maybe I suffer from bipolar or some sort. Sigh....

Oh man, I am about to do something radical next weekend, something I hope I will not regret. It will be done, unless unforeseen circumstances crop up like how you would spend an entire week discussing in earnest to plan your best bud's birthday surprise but it gets foiled on that very day kind of unforeseen circumstances. Damn, I'm hyped up just thinking of what will happen. The feeling is like cheating in some major examinations, trying your best to covertly glance at the adjacent table to peep at whatever is written on someone else's answer sheet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On the side note, I have been following intently on the whole "boomz" and "bigini" saga. And just watched the video which she was famous for, and my god, IT WAS EXCRUCIATING TO EVEN LISTEN TO HER. I had a sudden rush of sympathy for English teachers, and feel for the first time...

I hate it when someone close to you just suddenly leaves, taking away with them a small part of you with them. It leaves you with a small, minute but noticeable tear in your heart that just cant really seem to close itself or patch up properly even after a long long time. Just when you feel like its time to get to know him more, poofs, he disappears, melts, vanishes, disapparates,boogies, whatever into thin air to somewhere far far far away. Its kind of frustrating and to some extend, exasperating. Not enough time, or rather quality time has been spent with him. Its like losing a favorite toy. So, its time I started appreciating people more more MORE! Come to me, and I'll spread some love!

Slowly, bit by bit, I'm finding my way back to into books. I recall the irresistible draw towards them, the alternate time and space it almost always manages to transport me into, immersing me in the plot, spoiling me with imagination. I do not know how writers churn out several hundred pages of words, seemingly effortless only to produce stunning reads that etches itself in memories. Words taking shape into flesh and blood, characters moving and speaking. Damn, they're good! So, yes,I confess, I'm secretly a nerd that digs books and is excited by good reads. I think I can feel words, nevermind the fact I'm not really good with them. like when they describe a fire scene, I can almost see vermilion orange fused with red flames licking walls. The heat, like opening an oven all at once and feel the outburst of the searing heat. You cant really stop books, they intoxicate you, (unless it was some math text on deriving a geometric progression) and overflow you with places an...

My feelings at this precise moment are kind of difficult to describe. It lies somewhere between here and there, not too much leaning towards here, nor taking any preference to there, just plain ol' between here and there. Promotions came and went as quickly as the morning's cold gust of wind, leaving some refreshed and energised, while others only felt its chilly and lonely bitterness. Some see it as an opportunity, as an indication of perhaps rain? And some are indifferent. Feeling chilly and bitter, friend S could only emanate jealously(which he attempts to hide) and discontenment. Resolved to never put in effort ever again(for the upteenth time) with such vehement, friend S leaves me feeling between here and there. Even if I am blessed with the gift of gab; that I am able to charm the birds off tree branches and orang utans off vines, I was tongue-tied. Should I comfort him, perhaps telling him that we all will be promoted in time, which was of course the truth? No, that wou...

A tired mind is a weak mind, as I have found out and managed to draw the conclusion only recently, despite having known the fact long ago. You see, knowing something and assimilating it are entirely two different things. Tired minds are susceptible to emotion rushes. Especially anger, which swells up uncontrollably when the mind is tired. Patience dips, and tolerance levels are almost non exsistant. A string of words spoken carelessly or actions done could ignite the short fuse leading to an explosion of anger which refuses to subside and can only get worse. I do not deny that I fall into the above category and I do feel guilty that sometimes I unleash this beast onto innocent people. So now I hope that I can exercise some form of self restrain to prevent this from happening too often...

Argh! I hate outfields! It was definitely designed to test mental and physical endurance. The chiong suas, the damp, slimely, foul uniforms, camou-cream and most importantly, HEAT RASH. Why?!?!?!?! Moral dips majorly every outfield. Its like doing something I hate most. The worst part is, there are 2 outfields next week in a 6 day work week! OMG. just kill me. Armour Infantry, Armour + Infantry training :( Nothing gets close to this man. I feel so shallow talking about these kind of things considering the notion of why I had set this blog up in the first place. It was to hone and sharpen my language skills, expressing swirling, formless thoughts into words. Not to rant aimlessly, blabber, wail and moan about my predicament. But then again, I guess everyone's a naggy, complain-y bitch that feels that he or her is in the worst ever predicament on earth possible. And training has evidently taken a toll on my mental health, not even 70% cocoa chocolate or "Old Gold" as adver...