Skip to main content

Between In Here and Out There

My feelings at this precise moment are kind of difficult to describe.
It lies somewhere between here and there, not too much leaning towards here, nor taking any preference to there, just plain ol' between here and there.

Promotions came and went as quickly as the morning's cold gust of wind, leaving some refreshed and energised, while others only felt its chilly and lonely bitterness. Some see it as an opportunity, as an indication of perhaps rain? And some are indifferent.


Feeling chilly and bitter, friend S could only emanate jealously(which he attempts to hide) and discontenment. Resolved to never put in effort ever again(for the upteenth time) with such vehement, friend S leaves me feeling between here and there.


Even if I am blessed with the gift of gab; that I am able to charm the birds off tree branches and orang utans off vines, I was tongue-tied.


Should I comfort him, perhaps telling him that we all will be promoted in time, which was of course the truth? No, that would be like entertaining him, treating him like a child.


Maybe I can point out that his dreadful atittude which he is in constant denial is the biggest hinder to promotion? Nope, that would be like pressing a blown balloon against the cactus. The truth hurts more than you think.


Then conceivably I could join him in his incessant grumbling about people who did not deserve the promotion but got it in instead? No, I long recongnised and accepted the fact that nothing is fair in this world .

Furthermore, I got promoted as well, which I feel is appropiate given my efforts.

Its a tricky, sticky affair isint it? Sounds like getting gum stuck in your hair and attempting to dislodge it using fingers covered in melted cotton candy.


So I ended playing dumb. Not speaking to friend S and pretending or play-acting that nothing ever happened, only to respond to other non-related things.


I hope he wasnt serious about to never to put in effort again or in his words, half-fucked standards.

Sigh...

Popular posts from this blog

Mentalist

* Mentalist * Sunshine bursts through dull grey-hued clouds, its rays filtering down onto Kyle's face. He wrinkled his eyes in response, long tanned fingers shield them. He never liked such dreamy situations, the sun kissing the endless plains, glades of wildflower dot the country side. He thought that such scenarios only served to conceal what was bad inside everyone. Yes, he believed that there resided a little evil, a touch of cruelty, a hint of darkness within everyone. In fact, he relished acts, big or small, of twisted intentions. He always knew he was "strange" as put it by people who knew him. Unique, was what he rather be termed, perhaps bordering on "superior". Those comments didnt affect him, all they did was to consolidate the unrefutable fact that Kyle enjoyed in watching people suffer, writhe in pain, bathed in loneliness. You see, Kyle has a special gift. At first he thought that it was just strokes of coincidences, but soon the frequencies of th...

Feeling jealous and dumb.

This week hasnt been good, for my mental health at least. 1) Went out dinner with my BMT mates. Chatted and got to know how's everyone progressed so far two years on: A - Is on USP AL - Is going to UCLA to do Law S - Is going to Imperial to do Chemistry on a A*Star scholarship C - Is currently in Medical School J - Is on a bond free scholarship from Shanghai to do Chinese at Fudan U. D - Is going to do Medicine overseas So yes, I feel darn puny and small and dumb sitting with all of them. Choking me with all that smartness and effortless-ness. As well as talking about whether they should change their course to like Law or Medicine so that they can earn more money. I truly feel dumb. 2) Friend W, has unbelievably, signed on. Its a "she" by the way. Havent talked to her since after primary school. Stalked her on FB. haha. It gets pretty bored in office sometimes. She leads such a colourful life, visiting Egypt to see pyramids, going to Iceland to see the Northern Lights ...

New Semester

Hi, I'm back, after what seems like an eternity. Its a new start to the academic year! I am conflicted. I am not sure whether to look forward to finishing school (at last!) or to feel a sudden emptiness about school ending. (What? Already?) No doubt, school has been kind to me, it has let me learn many things, academically or otherwise. Its great seeing and experimenting with different styles of working with people, I think that's the part I like most about school. Other than that, school feels like a cocoon of warmth and protection, as though nothing really bad could possibly happen. I mean, its a huge playground for youths to connect and try out and experiment with identity, its where you really test out which identity you want to adopt when you finally step out into the world right? But at the same time, I'm really eager to step out and prove my worth, the saying " The world is your Oyster" is not for nothing you know. So I'm feeling increasingly ...