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Counting down to 2012

Counting down to 2012.

As of now, there are only 57 days left till 2012.

57- A small number considering the number of days that had already passed.
57- Just under 1 hour, easily spent. A long walk, sauntering in malls, people watching
57- A low score for your exams.
57- Days someone else in the world has left to live
57- Days someone else just got together with their significant half
57- Just the right amount of words to express your feelings concisely.

How many 57s have you let slip away from your hand?

Guess I'm feeling rather pensive today.

Sometimes, I sit on the bus, leaning against the window, thinking really hard and trying to grasp a concept that I find it hard to express it out verbally or string it, using vocabulary into coherent, followable thoughts on paper.

I feel that sometimes everything seems...surreal? That's the word everyone uses when they run out of vocabulary to describe a particular abstract feeling.

I see the cars zoom past, people carrying green haversacks, decked in sports gear, others haphazardly slap on jeans and tee-shirts.

I question the purpose of existence? I use italics because I cannot really find the right word to use, hence I think existence fits best, but not totally with my thoughts.

Imagine if I were another being,not as an alien capacity, not as a spiritual capacity, but just peering down onto Earth as another individual, what would I think?

I try to picture it, with images, because I find it tough to pin the thoughts that swirl in my head down with words, how I would feel.

If I were some sort of intermediary between existing and non-existence, how would I feel as I gaze upon what was going around me?

That I was the bearer of the gaze, and everything around me was subjected to my gaze.
How peculiar.

What was the purpose of all these subjects?
Surely they serve a larger purpose than to scurry around with their everyday tasks.

Surely they must desire some kind of answer, desire to know some kind of bigger picture.
I would very much like to find out the answer to "So What?"

So what if you have a career?
So what if you have the best looking partner?
So what if you have financial freedom?

Not sure if anybody at all can understand where I am coming from.

Like I said, I think in images and emotions.
There's no words, just swirly, shifting, intangible thoughts.

If I had a wish, I would want to know "the answer".

I am seriously weird. Like a weird boy.
Or it could be the nearing exams that has been affecting my brain in weird ways.

Think I am going to have lesser friends very soon.
Oh wells.

:)

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