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So tired

I am so tired of school. That feeling sets in routinely every semester after mid semester.
It hits you without warning, like a huge sack of potatoes, WHAM, leaving you rather disorientated and dazed. You saunter into classes, almost mechanically, because you are already so accustomed to where to turn, where to take what stairs, on which floor. Even the tiles look familiar to you, you know when you head to wrong place in school.

Suddenly, learning becomes dull and leaves you more sullen than you already are. Results do determine a person's worth...at least for the first half of his life. Disagree? Then find me a credible, reliable, and widely accepted way to quantify a person's abilities during his schooling years. Results are the easiest to quantify and most observable with the least cost. Same goes when you transit out into the working world, quantifiable results, concrete results are the best indicator.

Although correlation does not imply causation, but we like to link good results with good character and favourable habits in a person. And along with that, we assume morals and values that the person has are largely approved and society deems them as "good" or even "model".

So you can see why results do make a man/woman. I just hate it. Some people like it a lot, they like to see their hardwork translate into some tangible and easily measurable and observable. Well, I guess I am different from them.

Recently, I was involved in a group presentation for a class for a particular tutorial with another 2 guys and another girl. I was sorely disappointed in the girl's behaviour.

We were engaged in a discussion over one of the trickier portion that was at the end of a long question. We were randomly throwing out suggestions that sounded plausible while others were trawling the net for any possible clues as to what the question was asking.

As she was tasked, by random to answer the question, she was just SO FREAKING worried that the answers we arrived on were wrong. She kept asking me, what if she got the wrong answer? What if the answer we have wasnt the one that the Professor wanted? And then during minutes before the presentation, again, she bugged and poured out her worries to me, what if it was wrong? What if the answers werent correct?

And true to my predictions, she was extremely unsure and not so confident of herself during that last part, and true enough, our discussion on that particular portion of the question lacked depth. She looked like a deflated balloon that was trampled on by a herd of raging buffaloes. But the rest of us were taking it easy, answering to the prompts the prof gave us, relishing in the unfolding of new knowledge and going "OHHH".

Not her though, I was positively sure she was withering inside, like a sunflower gone crusty from baking under the desert sun.

See what the education system has produced! I am sure she is one of the many similar individuals. I am not saying that it is bad. It is good that she wants to pursue knowledge, that she has a desire not to make mistakes, afterall some mistakes in life can be very very costly. But I just feel her fixture on getting the correct answers and results are kind of....I dont know. I cant think of an adjective that isnt partial in any way.

She really isnt wrong, she might very possibly even go on to get brilliant results, graduate with a better-than-reasonably-good degree, and have a comfy job with higher earnings than me.

I just....I dont know what to say.
I just really want to teach. That's all
 :)

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