As the year draws to a close, swept away by the December cold winds ( fyi, I HATE the weathers now. hate it hate it hate it hate it. bloody cold and turning anaemic from mosquito bites) I start to think about my achievements for this year.
And I realized that I am becoming more and more mediocre, its so scary.
I ask myself a lot questions, ranging from narcissistic ones to deep, profound ones, questioning my looks, my character as a person, the values I uphold and claim to uphold ( very profoundly different ), my intelligence and my future as a whole.
I feel as though my life has sort of plateaued off somewhere. Slowly tarnishing, no longer emitting the shine it used to. Like a tap used for too long, letting calcium build up on the surface.
And I tell myself, no, I cannot allow this to carry on, I must strike out as an individual, I simply must not mill around like the other man beside me.
I want to do something different, something that distinguishes me from the rest. When people hear my name or speak of me, I want them to be like "Oh! Do you mean the fella who________ and was doing _________ and _______? "
As I enter Uni and meet more people, or receive more updates on friends, I feel very......*bleah* ( sorry for the lack of a word, I can really fish out an appropriate word from my vocabulary )
I feel so darn darn darn underachieving. Whilst others are juggling 3 or 4 things at one go.
I think that is why I keep thinking about entrepreneuring these few days. Got some ideas juggling my head, but I think they are ephemeral and transient. Just a passing phase, but I'll be keeping them at bay and might toy with them a bit when I have the free time I guess.
I have been thinking about my future too.
I guess teaching's not a bad option, given that I like the setting of a school a very much and the feel of educating minds gives me a lot of satisfaction.
Actually, I think making people happy derives most satisfaction to me. I'm not sure if that makes me a pleaser or a people person.
Yes, I think I'm very sure that making people comfortable and happy makes me happy as well.
Maybe I ought to move into the service sector?
I think now what I really want to do is events. Not like boring corporate events, but I think I like high paced private events, events that demand a lot of energy and creative outputs. And I like to pay attention to details, I like details. And I get bothered when I don't notice details.
Like how a friend changed the colour of her top while in the toilet. Sneaky.
This feels like resume writing. But I guess I most probably will not stay in teaching for long, unless there are opportunities for me to explore and exploit.
I actually managed to make myself feel good about my mediocrity.
Awesome. Ok. I need to concentrate on my future plans.
Although I know somehow I will fall back into this self-goading, downward spiralling, wallowing in my self misery sooner than I can imagine, but, I will pick myself up.
All I need is a Nutella Shake to complete my mood :)
And I realized that I am becoming more and more mediocre, its so scary.
I ask myself a lot questions, ranging from narcissistic ones to deep, profound ones, questioning my looks, my character as a person, the values I uphold and claim to uphold ( very profoundly different ), my intelligence and my future as a whole.
I feel as though my life has sort of plateaued off somewhere. Slowly tarnishing, no longer emitting the shine it used to. Like a tap used for too long, letting calcium build up on the surface.
And I tell myself, no, I cannot allow this to carry on, I must strike out as an individual, I simply must not mill around like the other man beside me.
I want to do something different, something that distinguishes me from the rest. When people hear my name or speak of me, I want them to be like "Oh! Do you mean the fella who________ and was doing _________ and _______? "
As I enter Uni and meet more people, or receive more updates on friends, I feel very......*bleah* ( sorry for the lack of a word, I can really fish out an appropriate word from my vocabulary )
I feel so darn darn darn underachieving. Whilst others are juggling 3 or 4 things at one go.
I think that is why I keep thinking about entrepreneuring these few days. Got some ideas juggling my head, but I think they are ephemeral and transient. Just a passing phase, but I'll be keeping them at bay and might toy with them a bit when I have the free time I guess.
I have been thinking about my future too.
I guess teaching's not a bad option, given that I like the setting of a school a very much and the feel of educating minds gives me a lot of satisfaction.
Actually, I think making people happy derives most satisfaction to me. I'm not sure if that makes me a pleaser or a people person.
Yes, I think I'm very sure that making people comfortable and happy makes me happy as well.
Maybe I ought to move into the service sector?
I think now what I really want to do is events. Not like boring corporate events, but I think I like high paced private events, events that demand a lot of energy and creative outputs. And I like to pay attention to details, I like details. And I get bothered when I don't notice details.
Like how a friend changed the colour of her top while in the toilet. Sneaky.
This feels like resume writing. But I guess I most probably will not stay in teaching for long, unless there are opportunities for me to explore and exploit.
I actually managed to make myself feel good about my mediocrity.
Awesome. Ok. I need to concentrate on my future plans.
Although I know somehow I will fall back into this self-goading, downward spiralling, wallowing in my self misery sooner than I can imagine, but, I will pick myself up.
All I need is a Nutella Shake to complete my mood :)